I Wonder

   Leipzig April 2024

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I wonder what crime your eyebrows committed to justify the torture you inflict on them with those vicious tweezers?

I wonder if my chafing belt can restrain my surging embarrassment, as my bulging belly spills out over it?

I wonder what shade of shame your legs feel as you relentlessly shave them?

I wonder if my shoulders can carry the weight of expectation of the perfect muscular body, I'll never achieve?

I wonder how you were driven to believe that your lips weren't deliciously kissable, just the natural tone they already are?

I wonder how jealous your inflamed, naked armpits are of all the women who refuse to surrender the wild, free hair under theirs?

I wonder if my hair transplant will magically fool my receding hairline?

I wonder how irritated your bikini line is by the abrasive stubble and desperate sunburn?

I wonder if my aversion to your camera is so obvious from my sad, crooked smile?

I wonder how much caustic dye will camouflage the steady march of grey hairs, that mark my achievement at surviving yet another year?

I wonder if your cheeks blush under the burden of foundation and suffocating layers of dissatisfaction?

I wonder if your rigorous sun worshipping routine will absolve you of the immense guilt of your whiteness?

I wonder how much whitening cream will cloak my humiliation of my poor dark skin?

I wonder if these platform shoes will live up to the height of their hopes?

I wonder of your push up bra is padded enough to conceal your inadequacy about your tiny perfect breasts?

I wonder if the wrinkle filter on our phones is deceptive enough to smooth our furrowed brow at our fabulous crows feet and joyful corrugated smiles?

Do we utilise mirrors to see our real selves or as a weapon to inflict more scorn and disgust?

I wonder if I can ever put down the poisonous vile of self loathing?

Or the twisted mirror of what other people think, in order to gain their approval?

I wonder if I'll ever truly believe I'm worthy of love, just the way I am?

I wonder if I can ever be brave enough to accept my fabulously, imperfect body just the way it is?

Perhaps when I find a way to love myself... without conditions?

Perhaps I can put down the tweezers for just a little while... except for that damn bit in-between 🙈